4 things to look for in a therapist, from a therapist and client
I cringe whenever someone tells me about a therapy horror story.
“My therapist did our session in her bathing suit at the beach.”
“My therapist fell asleep during my session.”
“My therapist spoke about herself the ENTIRE session.”
As a therapist, I get it. We want to enjoy the warm weather, we like naps, and we also need spaces to vent. But the therapy room where you are the clinician holding space for someone else isn’t the place to do all that!
I cringe from two places - as a therapist who provides mental health care and as a client who receives mental health care. So instead of screaming into the void for the hundredth time this year, I’m going to share some things to look for when you’re on your therapist search.
Communication & policies
The last thing I want is to feel confused about our therapeutic relationship or process. If I’m a client I know I’m already feeling a lot (hence I’m seeking therapy!) but don’t want extra confusion about things like: how we’re meeting, how often we’re meeting, the cost of each session, if they’re covered by insurance, in-between session communication, and their cancellation, rescheduling, and no-show fees. Clarity brings peace to an anxious mind, so I want to make sure I have a clear understanding of these policies and that I agree with them before moving forward with anyone.
Value alignment
As a Black woman, there are a few things I look for and need to be on the same page about in order for psychological safety to be present. Social work and mental health have been medicalized and weaponized against Black and brown folks, so I look to see if the potential therapist recognizes that, is decolonizing their practice, incorporating liberatory practices, and able to recognize the systemic, biological, sociopolitical, and environmental reasons for why I might be feeling the way I’m feeling. I’m not in the mood to pay someone to pathologize or minimize my righteous anger as aggressive or insignificant…we’re not doing that in 2025.
Truly holistic
To take a little deep dive into the value alignment piece, I want to talk about being holistic since it’s so overused that we don’t really know what it means anymore. Holistic actually means acknowledging how all parts of a person’s human experience are valid, interconnected and impacting each other as a whole person. So that means my worry about international travel isn’t automatically categorized as generalized anxiety disorder. It means that my worry is valid and what informs that worry should be examined—whether it’s that I live in the United States where we’re experiencing an unprecedented number of plane crashes or concerned about border detainment—it makes sense to feel worried about air travel right now. Without a holistic approach of understanding my positionality, like race, country of origin, or family history, the therapist may dismiss or pathologize me.
Therapeutic style & modality
Not to get too nerdy here, but I do look into the background and style of any therapist I’m considering working with. I tend to gravitate towards person-centered practices that are culturally affirming. I personally like homework and someone who’s directive or challenges me, so I make sure to ask for those things as well. And while it may seem obvious, I appreciate and respond well to professional boundaries, like not taking our session while they’re in their swimsuit at the beach.
So that’s a brief overview of what I look for and even aim to provide as a therapist. Make sure to take a look at my resources to help you find a good provider too! My hope is that you give yourself the time to find the right therapist for you because you deserve it.